Loved this chapter! I find often kindness can be much closer to home than you think and as you know hitchhiking is a great way to share some common humanity - as long as you stay safe!
Appreciate you reading! And agree so much, one of my favorite parts of travel is realizing how overwhelmingly kind people are. Makes me want to put myself in more situations of community care.
The more we travel, the more we see the goodness in so many people. It can really restore someone's faith in humanity. Those memories will be with you forever. A really good read. I haven't been to Macedonia yet, but it looks incredible. I know I will get there eventually. Thanks for sharing!
I’ve been thinking a lot about this. In the U.S., a man recently asked me for money while I was grocery shopping. He was meant to sleep on his multiple leg Amtrak bus, but the second bus was canceled and he had no place to sleep. I didn’t give him money but it haunted me. Am I not a Good Samaritan like so many of the ones I have met abroad?
But in America a lot of those stories aren’t true. They are cons. And I have had several very scary run in’s with strangers in our cities and I would never get in their cars. We grow up needing to be wary. But I don’t want that to shut me off from being generous too. It’s hard to know when we can accept help and give it safely!
I completely agree — in the US we have this culture of “stranger danger” that both protects us and keeps us so very isolated. I remember seeing a conversation on Substack recently about how the US lacks “third spaces,” and I was thinking that there’s a lot of reasons for that, but the both real and perceived risk of interacting with strangers is likely a big part of that. It’s such an interesting topic to explore — I’m sure there’s so many facets that go into this.
The idea of building better communities, especially in a place like the US which is so individualistic, is a daunting one. Really appreciate your thoughts here and excited to see what you uncover!
Right! The "real and perceived risk of strangers" is a challenge. Especially for women where we've heard so many of the real stories! But to live too much in that world is to go without the generous and communal one!
I wonder if it’s because as Americans we live in a country where kids shoot each other or men open fire on ppl in movie theaters and concerts? It’s not like there’s no violence abroad but we are obsessed with our own safety in a country that is relatively stable, politically safe but socially unpredictable.
This is a really great point. When I meet non-Americans and we talk about cliches, they very often talk about school shootings / gun violence. I also overheard a mom the other day telling her kids that they don’t have to worry about people putting razors in their food or kidnapping them here in Bosnia. It’s been interesting for me to notice more of these things as I think about global versions of kindness. I’m not sure what the solution is just yet!
Thank you. I’ve been to Turkey and been inside the home of a family I did not know, and I’ve been fed dinner and dessert.. which would never happen in my lovely small suburban town in America. I wonder what it would take for people to trust each other enough to invite neighbors into our homes.. this is why travel is so illuminating!
I have come across some of the kindest strangers and people while traveling Eastern Europe and it was startling in the best way. The part you wrote about how kindness can come from a lack of privilege reminds me of what a Romanian woman described to me once. She said that while Western Europe and America were out trying to conquer and colonize people and other parts of the world, people of Eastern Europe were just trying to survive. I noticed while traveling there it shows in empathy, kindness, and resiliency for a lot.
Yes I’m glad you saw it too! And I will say, at least I think the Balkans, it culturally seems so much more similar to Asia than Western Europe. It’s funny where we choose to draw a line in the sand.
Living in Turkey, being of Arab and Eastern European descent and growing up in Canada, I think about this a LOT. I feel like travel is one of the best ways to be reminded that people, ultimately, almost always want to be kind. Thank you for sharing this.
I couldn’t agree more! Especially outside of the “western” world, I find interactions so refreshing and rewarding. Thank you for connecting with my reflections here!
Zefan! Thank you so much for mentioning my work here :) and thank you for this essay — I don’t know much about Macedonian history, but it’s wonderful to learn. I’ve always gotten the same concerned questions while travelling alone, and I always reply the same way: people are kinder than you think. I love how travel paradoxically allows me to let my guard down and be a bit more vulnerable. I think that’s when the kindest people I’ve met have found me :P
wow such a great piece, you write very well! the bit about Macedonian history was fascinating, i must learn more myself
when travelling in Europe (i haven’t been to Eastern Europe yet) i’m always acutely aware of my race, and of course there have been bad experiences, but there have been lots of instances of kindness that have surprised and overwhelmed me. sometimes at night i just think about them and am so happy at the world that my eyes start watering😭 ig it’s kind of like when u see a rlly cute animal and u just want to squeeze it bc you don’t know how else to express that energy.
what you said about struggle and stuff is so true, i think for a lot of people (especially if they come from those places that value community) kindness becomes a habit, something that is just the default. whereas, like another commenter was saying, in places that herald individualism and have less community support it’s more natural to be wary.
Thank you so much! Macedonia’s history was really fascinating to me, especially because it seemed like you could still feel it in air.
And I go through the exact same thought process! I am so so so aware of my race, particularly here in Eastern Europe where there’s pretty much no diversity. But overall I had the same experience as you — overwhelming kindness that makes me squeal when I think of it. It’s incredible and so refreshing to travel to places that value community. 💛
Macedonia is now high on my travel list! I live in Northern Europe now, but I'm from the American South (Louisiana) originally. It's not that I haven't experienced kindness in Northern Europe from some people, I definiely have. But it doesn't feel like it exists as widely as I remember from growing up in Louisiana. I have a hard time talking about this, especially with how horrifying my home state is becoming politically, but I'm definitely going to spend some time thinking about why I feel like I'm missing something from the kindness of home after reading your piece.
Hi Laney, I’m glad you were able to connect with my essay! I can understand the dissonance of loving some parts of it but hating another — probably similar to a problematic relative that you still loved because, well, there’s love there. If you ever decide to write about it, I’d love to hear more!
Thank you! I’m actually working on a piece that is kind of about this right now! It’s being published in an online publication probably in late August, but I plan to share it on Substack also!
“Habits of community” — I think perhaps this is the key. When we practice the continuous process of believing that what affects one affects us all, then it is easier to have that kindness keep showing up in our daily lives.
I love this point. It reminds me of so much of what I’ve learned about compassion, that the root of it is often the understanding of our interconnected nature.
What a wonderful story! You travel anecdotes and the discourse we had in one of your commends make me more confident about traveling to more far flung places on the earth.
Lots of domestic (US) travel on the docket for now. But I am more encouraged to add Eastern Europe to the travel list. It’s always been a part of the world that looks fascinating to travel to.
Loved this chapter! I find often kindness can be much closer to home than you think and as you know hitchhiking is a great way to share some common humanity - as long as you stay safe!
Appreciate you reading! And agree so much, one of my favorite parts of travel is realizing how overwhelmingly kind people are. Makes me want to put myself in more situations of community care.
The more we travel, the more we see the goodness in so many people. It can really restore someone's faith in humanity. Those memories will be with you forever. A really good read. I haven't been to Macedonia yet, but it looks incredible. I know I will get there eventually. Thanks for sharing!
So glad I could share a bit about Macedonia! Thanks for connecting to the piece.
Really interesting and thought provoking thank you
Glad it could start a few thoughts!
I’ve been thinking a lot about this. In the U.S., a man recently asked me for money while I was grocery shopping. He was meant to sleep on his multiple leg Amtrak bus, but the second bus was canceled and he had no place to sleep. I didn’t give him money but it haunted me. Am I not a Good Samaritan like so many of the ones I have met abroad?
But in America a lot of those stories aren’t true. They are cons. And I have had several very scary run in’s with strangers in our cities and I would never get in their cars. We grow up needing to be wary. But I don’t want that to shut me off from being generous too. It’s hard to know when we can accept help and give it safely!
I completely agree — in the US we have this culture of “stranger danger” that both protects us and keeps us so very isolated. I remember seeing a conversation on Substack recently about how the US lacks “third spaces,” and I was thinking that there’s a lot of reasons for that, but the both real and perceived risk of interacting with strangers is likely a big part of that. It’s such an interesting topic to explore — I’m sure there’s so many facets that go into this.
The idea of building better communities, especially in a place like the US which is so individualistic, is a daunting one. Really appreciate your thoughts here and excited to see what you uncover!
Right! The "real and perceived risk of strangers" is a challenge. Especially for women where we've heard so many of the real stories! But to live too much in that world is to go without the generous and communal one!
I wonder if it’s because as Americans we live in a country where kids shoot each other or men open fire on ppl in movie theaters and concerts? It’s not like there’s no violence abroad but we are obsessed with our own safety in a country that is relatively stable, politically safe but socially unpredictable.
This is a really great point. When I meet non-Americans and we talk about cliches, they very often talk about school shootings / gun violence. I also overheard a mom the other day telling her kids that they don’t have to worry about people putting razors in their food or kidnapping them here in Bosnia. It’s been interesting for me to notice more of these things as I think about global versions of kindness. I’m not sure what the solution is just yet!
Thank you. I’ve been to Turkey and been inside the home of a family I did not know, and I’ve been fed dinner and dessert.. which would never happen in my lovely small suburban town in America. I wonder what it would take for people to trust each other enough to invite neighbors into our homes.. this is why travel is so illuminating!
Right! There are enough real threats that it makes us afraid to engage where there might not be one.
I have come across some of the kindest strangers and people while traveling Eastern Europe and it was startling in the best way. The part you wrote about how kindness can come from a lack of privilege reminds me of what a Romanian woman described to me once. She said that while Western Europe and America were out trying to conquer and colonize people and other parts of the world, people of Eastern Europe were just trying to survive. I noticed while traveling there it shows in empathy, kindness, and resiliency for a lot.
Yes I’m glad you saw it too! And I will say, at least I think the Balkans, it culturally seems so much more similar to Asia than Western Europe. It’s funny where we choose to draw a line in the sand.
I totally agree!
Living in Turkey, being of Arab and Eastern European descent and growing up in Canada, I think about this a LOT. I feel like travel is one of the best ways to be reminded that people, ultimately, almost always want to be kind. Thank you for sharing this.
I couldn’t agree more! Especially outside of the “western” world, I find interactions so refreshing and rewarding. Thank you for connecting with my reflections here!
Such a beautiful reflection on kindness I’ve come this on my travels as well. I’ve read that empathy is the highest form of intelligence!
I believe that!
Zefan! Thank you so much for mentioning my work here :) and thank you for this essay — I don’t know much about Macedonian history, but it’s wonderful to learn. I’ve always gotten the same concerned questions while travelling alone, and I always reply the same way: people are kinder than you think. I love how travel paradoxically allows me to let my guard down and be a bit more vulnerable. I think that’s when the kindest people I’ve met have found me :P
I have absolutely love your writing, so glad to have found you here! And couldn’t agree more, the feeling of “leaning into it” is always so amazing.
wow such a great piece, you write very well! the bit about Macedonian history was fascinating, i must learn more myself
when travelling in Europe (i haven’t been to Eastern Europe yet) i’m always acutely aware of my race, and of course there have been bad experiences, but there have been lots of instances of kindness that have surprised and overwhelmed me. sometimes at night i just think about them and am so happy at the world that my eyes start watering😭 ig it’s kind of like when u see a rlly cute animal and u just want to squeeze it bc you don’t know how else to express that energy.
what you said about struggle and stuff is so true, i think for a lot of people (especially if they come from those places that value community) kindness becomes a habit, something that is just the default. whereas, like another commenter was saying, in places that herald individualism and have less community support it’s more natural to be wary.
Thank you so much! Macedonia’s history was really fascinating to me, especially because it seemed like you could still feel it in air.
And I go through the exact same thought process! I am so so so aware of my race, particularly here in Eastern Europe where there’s pretty much no diversity. But overall I had the same experience as you — overwhelming kindness that makes me squeal when I think of it. It’s incredible and so refreshing to travel to places that value community. 💛
Macedonia is now high on my travel list! I live in Northern Europe now, but I'm from the American South (Louisiana) originally. It's not that I haven't experienced kindness in Northern Europe from some people, I definiely have. But it doesn't feel like it exists as widely as I remember from growing up in Louisiana. I have a hard time talking about this, especially with how horrifying my home state is becoming politically, but I'm definitely going to spend some time thinking about why I feel like I'm missing something from the kindness of home after reading your piece.
Hi Laney, I’m glad you were able to connect with my essay! I can understand the dissonance of loving some parts of it but hating another — probably similar to a problematic relative that you still loved because, well, there’s love there. If you ever decide to write about it, I’d love to hear more!
Thank you! I’m actually working on a piece that is kind of about this right now! It’s being published in an online publication probably in late August, but I plan to share it on Substack also!
Gorgeous piece! Adding Macedonia to my list of dream places to visit! x
It’s lovely! Throw in Albania or Kosovo and it’s such a gorgeous road trip, too! So jealous of you Europeans 🙃
“Habits of community” — I think perhaps this is the key. When we practice the continuous process of believing that what affects one affects us all, then it is easier to have that kindness keep showing up in our daily lives.
I love this point. It reminds me of so much of what I’ve learned about compassion, that the root of it is often the understanding of our interconnected nature.
What a wonderful story! You travel anecdotes and the discourse we had in one of your commends make me more confident about traveling to more far flung places on the earth.
I’m so glad!! I always find it to be so rewarding, and hope you’ll book a trip soon!
Lots of domestic (US) travel on the docket for now. But I am more encouraged to add Eastern Europe to the travel list. It’s always been a part of the world that looks fascinating to travel to.